my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk if I want to put a bra on
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
