we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
