He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
