Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
