He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My feet surprised me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
