im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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