On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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