does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
