i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
