is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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