In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
