I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
