Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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