He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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