So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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