Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
