Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
