This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
