i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
