it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
