ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
