so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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