i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
