walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need a burrito and a hug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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