So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
