i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
