Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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