I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
