someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
