I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.