Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.