uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
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you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
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I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.