like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice