I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you pee in the oven last night??