He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
