she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
