Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
