A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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