Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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