If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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