I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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