I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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