You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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