either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
