I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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