The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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