I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
