I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize