I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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