i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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