Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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