Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
