I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
NoShamevember. You game?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
