my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
