We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
