Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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