just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
