tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
