Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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