I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
