Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sober January is a disaster.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
