Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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