You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
