I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My ass is underappreciated
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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