Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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